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The most screamingly silly misleading headline about Arsenal of the week

By Sir Hardly Anyone

Like dinosaurs raging across the primeval swamps our nation’s scribblers daily produce so many silly headlines (not to mention stories), that it is getting hard to pick out the most insane, although at Untold Towers we really did quite like this one from the Daily and Sunday Express website.

This appeared on 22 August

“Carabao Cup draw details revealed with Man Utd, Liverpool, Arsenal to discover opponents”

What they did not quite manage to say was that the draw would be on August 28 at something like 4am in China.  So six days after that headline.   It is a bit like running a headline saying “FA Cup final details revealed” at this time of year and telling us that the final will be at Wembley in May.

But there was more, as they added, “Holders Manchester City, alongside runners-up Chelsea, will enter the competition once the second round is completed.   Fellow European trophy chasers Manchester United, Arsenal, Liverpool and Tottenham will also wait to hear who they will face in the first of the domestic competitions this season.”

Oh good.  I’m so glad they are waiting.

Indeed we can imagine the writer of this tripe… The face drawn, the eyes haggard, the general appearance that of one who has searched for the leak in life’s gaspipe with a lighted match...

Another good one in recent days came with this headline

“Why?”, “When will we learn?” – these Arsenal fans are baffled after learning club’s choice for Liverpool clash”

That was from Read Arsenal and had us all gasping and wondering what on earth had the stupid fellas at Highbury House done this time, and you know what it was?  Well, oh my goodness, let me tell you,  it is the end of the world because… we are going to wear the wrong colour shirts in playing Liverpool.

These fellas write with a certain je ne sais quoi in the style, suggesting that each if not being disgruntled is probably quite a long way from being gruntled. 

And with this in mind in third place for silliness was the Liverool Echo which announced

“Arsenal’s key weakness highlighted as Liverpool told where to hurt Gunners”

“Highlighted” suggests something new, but then when you see it is Charlie Nicholas writing you know it is going to be nothing of the sort.  And indeed it isn’t.   Speaking of Arsenal he said, “The defensive frailties are still there and with Liverpool playing their front three, they will have pace and menace to deal with,”

And that is it.  Was that worth clicking the mouse for?

Actually Charlie was really sinking to the depths this week for he also got “Charlie Nicholas doesn’t want Arsenal 26-year-old in the team to face Liverpool” according to The Boot Room. 

Personally I don’t want Charlie to have any more opportunities to make his opinions known, but there seems to be no chance of getting that wish  I have the image of him sitting at his writing desk with pen and paper and a little mug holding his coffee, the mug labelled “a present from Blackpool” being something his mum brought him back from her summer hols in happier times.

Other dishonourable mentions must go to…

“Disgrace”, “Dreadful” – these Arsenal fans are raging with Liverpool stars after they mock key duo” from Read Arsenal.  You really don’t have to read the rest of the story to know what’s what in that one.  Does any Arsenal fan seriously care about what Liverpool players get up to?

Presumably some scribblers do.  I imagine these fellas with a grim manner of a grammar school teacher who has just discovered his prize A level English student splitting an infinitive in an essay about TS Eliot.  

Heading ever faster down the hill we also had

“Eddie Nketiah creates new nickname for Helder Costa at Leeds United” from Football League World – as if we actually cared about that either – but it turned up on Arsenal sites.

But even though that is just irrelevant, the raging negativity is never far away as we also got “‘Better stay away’, ‘Get rid’ – These Arsenal fans don’t want duo starting against Liverpool” The Transfer Tavern gave us that one as they seek, as ever, to make individual fan opinion on single topics of import.   Yes it is important to the guys doing the chatting, but for the man standing next to the chatterer in the pub? I think not.

Of course this being the media, misrepresenting statistics is never off the table for long.   Give me Sport talking about Robin van Persie and his transfer from Arsenal to Man United reminded us of this RVP quote when he made the move…

“It is always quite difficult to find a perfect match but I do feel that this is perfect for me,” with the website then adding, “How right he was.  The two-time Premier League Golden Boot winner was outstanding during his debut season with United, scoring 30 goals in 48 appearances.”

Well yes,  that is good form, but the point about statistics is that they should always be put into context and the context here is that the previous season with Arsenal, the club RVP chose to leave to follow his dream, he got 37 goals in 48 games.  So he actually declined by seven goals on making the move.

And finally, just to give you a little chuckle as you depart, Soccer Souls tell us Arsenal should sign Zaha.  Err…  For once words fail me.

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