Arsenal FC News

Arsenal FC Daily Aggregated News

Satire: 10 players arriving, five leaving and Edu arrives (although that’s probably not satire)

By Sir Hardly Anyone

So the season ends and as expected Cech went back to Chelsea.   And immediately the blogs were reporting Arsenal fans being annoyed – TBR Football was one of many such sites with this story.

But the report came with no sense of irony; irony because many supporters had been saying that Cech was useless and should not be playing for Arsenal.

If that were true, should we not be rejoicing that he has now returned to a club where the stadium project seems to be dissolving in acid, where there is a two window ban on transfers, where the owner only came to watch one match last season, and where there is ongoing investigation into the club’s use of loans?

But we must move on, although first we have been told that “The clock is ticking.”   That from Football.London.     I thought you would like to know.

So who are we buying this week?

1: Yannick Carrasco

Arsenal are in talks over a move for Yannick Carrasco, but could face competition from Roma according to Tutto Mercato Web.  He’s Belgium, he’s a winger and he previously played for Atletico Madrid.  Arsenal have already agreed personal terms with Carrasco should they be able to convince the Chinese club to sell him, or so we are told.  Carrasco is keen to return to Europe after spending nearly 18 months in China, or so they say.  Mind you I had had enough of Chinese food after three weeks – but perhaps Carrasco gets his own food flown in.

2: Dani Ceballos

Arsenal are ready to pay Real Madrid £44.6m to sign Dani Ceballos but Tottenham are desperate to sign someone this summer and Ceballos is the chosen one.  At least so says Arsenal Station. He is a Spanish central midfielder who has played ten times for Spain.

 3: Eray Comert

Arsenal are ready to “step up their interest” in Basle defender Eray Comert and again this is the mighty load of whatnot known as Football London.  He will cost £7m says the Metro and the Daily Mail is getting very excited about this deal.  He’s a defender and he’s 21.

4: Armando Izzo

The deal is being prepared according to Gianluca Di Marzio.  He’s with Torino and is a defender and is 27.   Talks were held last week.  He played 39 times for Torino last last season, scoring four goals.  TuttoMercatoWeb reported last week that the player’s agent, Paolo Palermo, held talks with Arsenal last week.

5: Presnel Kimpembe

PSG will sell Presnel Kimpembe this summer with Arsenal ready to do the deal or so says the Daily Express who blame Le10Sport for the story if it is not true..  He’s a central defender who is 23.

6: Ivan Perisic

He still wants to come to Arsenal according to, well you can guess by now, yes Footlon.  Manchester United did want him but don’t any more.  He’s a winger or a midfielder or even a number 10, and he has played 141 times for Inter Milan since 2015 and 82 times for Croatia.

7: Rodriguez

Oh no it’s FootLon again.   Arsenal will move for AC Milan full-back Ricardo Rodriguez if they can’t agree a deal for Kieran Tierney.  They blame Calciomercato for this one.  Interestingly Calciomercato blame Foot Lon.  funny that.

8: William Saliba

Another story from the fanatical daily express.  He’s from Saint-Etienne and is another centre-back.  FootLond say we are closing in! “He is the only player in the French set-up who is in the age class two times higher than a player would typically be. He’s the first player to be in this situation since Kylian Mbappé,” said Head of Football at RMC Sport Mohamed Bouhafsi.  Yes we are definitely getting him, says Foot.Lond.  He will cost €25 million.

9:  Wilfried Zaha

FootLond also tell us that Zaha prefers the move to Arsenal from Crystal Palace and the deal is on.  Kevin Campbell has told FootLond that Arsenal must break the bank to get him.

10:  Dan-Axel Zagadou

“The Borussia Dortmund starlet on Arsenal’s transfer radar”, according to France Football, who have clearly been reading FootLond too much and assuming that this is the way people talk in England.   “Borussia Dortmund defender Dan-Axel Zagadou is being lined up as the solution to Unai Emery’s defensive woes,” is the tale.

And leaving the club

1:  Torreira

FootLond in a revolutionary move says that other reports that Torreira is going to be sold are not true at all!!! But “Arsenal ready to sell Lucas Torreira – and they have a price in mind” proclaims the Daily Star.  Do we believe FootLon or the Star?  Or perhaps better still, neither.

2:  Jordi Osei-Tutu

As is the new way of things he has joined the second division Bundesliga side VfL Bochum on loan for the 2019/20 season.  So sayeth the Daily Cannon.  It’s the new approach for Arsenal.

3/4/5: Three at once

Mesut Ozil, Henrikh Mkhitaryan and Shkodran Mustafi are all going to go according to the Star.  Where, we are not told, but they are going to go.


Edu is already working for Arsenal despite not officially starting until July, booms the Daily Cannon.

And that might well be true since the summer meeting for selected members from the three main recognised Arsenal supporters clubs this season will have a “special guest,” just as we did last season.  Last year it was the new boss.  This year the suspicion is that it is Edu.

And that’s it for now.   But you can be sure there will be more.   I’ll do the chart of everyone so far asap.

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