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A radical solution to the problem of football journalists

Dear Loyal and  Hardcore Regular  Untolders ,

I think that a fellow regular Untold Arsenal poster, Les Williams, and myself may have inadvertently stumbled upon a million pound idea, which may not only enrich our  UE coffers, but  may also bring much joy, happiness and possibly solace to our regulars, and the Arsenal fandom at large.

This idea occurred when we were posting on this thread – Arsenal’s biggest problem? All the negative journalists and bloggers. … A very  fine article, by the way.

I said –  Brickfields Gunners – 14/10/2019 at 12:51 pm –

From the evidence so far, I think that they are hired as pundits, as they make fine puppets, and don’t mind having a hand up their arses.

Also they all useless as managers, and probably in any other job too.   Would you hire any of these clowns, well other than clowns for your kids’ parties?   Or as a pinata?

And Les Williams said – 14/10/2019 at 10:55 pm-

@Brickfields Gunners – I can see a great opportunity in providing pundit shaped pinatas for all kinds of parties. There is surely an untapped demand for this. I would definitely take a swipe.

And wham , bam , hog  damn, a great money making  idea was born –  THE PUNDIT PINATAS!

Take a moment to let it sink in. There would be very few fans (or maybe only just their family members!) who would not like to beat the living shit out of these pundits!  Or ‘ infuse’  some logic into them!  But neither this site, nor the more sane Untolders, condone  such violent  and base tendencies, however much we may feel justified or inclined to make our mark upon them.

I guess like most, I too have fantasied trapping one of them in some dark alley, and giving them a piece of my mind.  Or maybe  firmly hammering home my point.  But all this being illegal, we have the next best thing – Pundit pinatas. You can take out all your  football frustrations on these life-like dolts.  We will chose to not call them dolls , but rather dolts. It sounds rather apt and  more accurate.

We could start by replicating the preening bunch of clods and clowns  presently appearing  ad nauseam on tv  daily. This would  help save on the damage to  the remote controls, or to the TVs themselves . Or may give respite even to their spouses who may  inadvertently blurt out, ” For goodness sake, its only a game !”

Before we proceed, we will run a poll on this site to see which models are most likely to sell. Please send in your requests for us for consideration. Already in the works are those models of Riley’s boys of the  PIGMOB, Club chairmen and  certain selected managers – past and present!

These  pundit pinatas will be  hardy, washable and  are eco-friendly, but  also can be safely burnt without any untoward or noxious emissions into the atmosphere. Unlike the real ones!

They can also be used as punching bags; dummies for football freekick practices; for trolling  people and animals on Youtube videos; to keep off birds and  other wildlife  from your crops; etc. Using them  to make a point as voodoo dolls is not advisable.

We are also confident that the following  special pinata models will be in great demand for Halloween and Guy Fawkes Night – The Donald, The Boris, The May! As well as most world leaders and politicians.

Order now, so as not to be disappointed!

Yours in satire,

Brickfields Gunners

PS: If this works, I’ll be trying to pitch this  idea on ‘Shark Tank’.

Footnote: According to Wiki, a similar tradition in Denmark is slå katten af tønden (“hit the cat out of the barrel”) in which a wooden barrel is struck to release candy.

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